


I Get A Bit Genghis Khan

by LtImmature



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, High School, Kenny the body guard, Love Triangles, Love doesn't always win, M/M, douchebag Craig, eliterate writer, haha see what I did there with the e instead of an i? HAHAHAHA, highschool, pimp Butters, possessive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-02-03 17:02:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12752487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtImmature/pseuds/LtImmature
Summary: Life is hard when you aren't true to yourself.I don't want you to get it onWith nobody else but me





	1. Fighting In A War

**Author's Note:**

> I want to finish this story before New Years.

TWEEK

Right there, two bodies pressed against the locker one was obviously his ex-boyfriend and the other was some random girl. In earlier years this sight may have broken his heart, but now he was just numb to it. Why should he care? They broke up in 9th grade because the other couldn't take it anymore. There was no simple ‘I want to break up’ or ‘It’s not going to work out between us.’ spiel, no that would have been understandable. That fucker fucked another girl, when Tweek confronted him on it, the other simply said “I’m not a fag. Sorry.” Was it bad that he was still hopeful that maybe Craig loved him enough to apologize and tell him some bullshit lie like; ‘it was an accident’ or ‘it was pure lust! She means NOTHING TO ME I LOVE YOU.’ Yet, there were no excuses. It was a simple, “I did it, fuck you.” Once wasn’t enough, he cheated seven more times before Tweek had enough. Their relationship/friendship was dead at this point dead like Cartman’s mom’s hymen.  
After their breakup Craig became a bigger dick than before. Tripping the blonde in the hallway, throwing stuff at him in the lunchroom or calling him a meth head.  
This whole experience with that fucker thought him one thing. He was not gay. If that is what a gay relationship could offer him than he was better off straight.  
Thinking about Craig wasn’t worth his time.  
Tweek continued on his way; his girlfriend was waiting on him. 

Kenny

Kenny looked passed his friends. Butters, his Butters was chatting up some girl. More than likely trying to trick her into being one of his whores. After middle-school Butter’s became a pimp. Okay, maybe pimp was a strong term. Their friend Butters was being paid by guys who needed a pretend girlfriend for some dumb reason like a school dance or guys trying to convince their parents they weren’t gay. It was very profitable organization, but it landed the blonde in detention time and time again. It pained the hooded blonde to see his friend in constant trouble.  
This was all Cartman’s fault.  
How dare that fat ass call out his beloved Butters for being a virgin. There was a strong tug on his sleeve.  
“Kenny help!” Butters shivered as hid behind his personal bodyguard. Yeah, that’s right. In Buttes’s line of work things can get a bit dangerous. Usually boyfriends/fathers/cousins sometimes uncles were Butters’s natural enemy. The idea of someone placing their dirty hands on HIS BUTTERS angered Kenny. So the only logical thing to do is become the wannabe pimp’s personal body guard. It was the only way to get close to his beloved boss.  
Kyle

Kyle rolled his eyes as he listens to Eric bicker about how he and Heidi weren’t compatible. The most logical thing to do would be to break up with the girl, but Cartman was selfish so he made the poor girl suffer. That fat fuck, what sense did that even make? Kyle tried his hardest not to think about the acts of his so called friend. But, somehow his mind stayed on Cartman. His fat ass wouldn't leave his mind. That smug smile he pulled when something went his way or even the way he called Kyle, ‘KHAL’. God Kyle hated Cartman so much! Right?  
“Hey guy’s what’s up guys?” reaching his friends.  
“Fuck you CARTMAN!” Kyle called out of nowhere.  
“Your Jew powers won’t work on me! You aren’t taking Heidi from me!”


	2. I FEEL EVERY EQUATION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fish are food not friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up writing this, I wanted to make it a bit longer so I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
>  
> 
> I can't see anyting so do g3t to madz atme

 KENNY

 

 

“Oh gee wiz Kenny I’m sorry.” Butters spoke as he cleaned the cut right above his bodyguard’s eyebrow.

“Who would have thought that boyfriend of hers had brass knuckles.” Butters continued talking. “Sheesh all I said was  ‘Bitch do you want to make some real fucking money?’”

“It’s 2019, people are too sensitive.” Kenny offered his 2 cents, even though he knew Butters was in the wrong.

“Yeah, you’re right.” The two sat in silence as Butters finished patching Kenny up. “I was thinking about expanding my organization.” Kenny stretched and let out a small grunt before humoring his adorable boss. “What is the expansion?”

“Girlfriends for hire! Ya see, when a guy sees all these couples around school they get lonely and desperate THAT IS WHERE WE COME IN! We have a monthly subscription; 16.99 a month, 29.99 for 4 months and 49.99 for 8 months!”

“I thought ‘Butters’s Girls’ was all about the pros of having a girlfriend” Kenny mocked.

“I’m still working on it, I got ton of bitches who like the idea and I already have a fella testing out the service.”

_‘What desperate fuck would even participate in tha-“_

“HEY TWEEK!” Butters greeted the shaky blonde.

“Rrrrrrrr, have you see Rebecca?”

“You mean Red?” Kenny corrected.

“GAH, yeah sorry.” Tweek looks down at his feet.

“I think I saw her in in the parking lot with Bebe and Wendy.” Butters added.

Tweek thanked his Butters but, for some reason handed him a 20 dollar bill and left.

“Just think about it Kenny! We can have bitches from all over the world; Canadian bitches, Puerto Rican bitches and and.”

Kenny finished the blonde’s sentence. “Jamaican Bitches?”

“ALL THE BITCHES IN THE RAINBOW!”

Kenny chuckled, he knew this plan was bound to fail, yet that smile on Butters’s face was worth it. No matter what idiotic plan the young pimp had Kenny was determined to be by his side, and maybe one day get in his pants. Sex wasn’t the only thing that drove Kenny in all honestly it was a small part. What caused Kenny to actually be attracted to his fellow classmate in the first place was how his boss treated Karen. He acted like a brother to her; taking her back to school shopping, paying for her school lunches and buying her a bike for her birthday.

Kenny’s first thought was that the pimp was trying to trick his poor little sister out so she could be apart of his whore organization. The first time Karen told her big brother about the nice actions of the Stotch kid giving her money for hot lunch, Kenny was furious. He would not allow some virgin to take advantage of his innocent little sister. With rage in his fist he went over to the Stotch’s household ready to beat the ever loving shit out his _friend_. A few hard bangs at the door got the attention of everyone who were inside the home at the time.

“Hey Kenny!” Butters answered.

Kenny gripped the boy’s iconic blue shirt and brought him close; trying to be as intimating as possible.  “WHAT FUCKING RIGHT DO YOU HAVE GIVING MY SISTER MONEY?! SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE APART OF YOUR GROUP!” Butters had a confused look on his face as if he was trying to understand what was going on.

“But she’s my best friend’s sister, I can’t let her starve.”

“Wait what.”

“Well yeah, she looked hungry during lunch so I gave her some money.”

“So you weren’t trying to recruit her?”

“Oh no, that goes against the pimp’s handbook. Never trick out your friend’s relatives who are under 14.”

Kenny let go of the boy, trying to disgust.

“Hey Kenny, how would you like to make some motherfucking money?” Butters asked. Kenny rubbed his eyes with two fingers. “I’m not a girl Butters.”

“Haha, silly Kenny I know that. There was a pimp that told me I needed a bottom bitch, but I don’t trust none of my current hoes, do you know what I am saying?”

“You want me to be your bottom bitch?” Kenny asked, not taking the offer seriously.

“Yeah, think of it like a vacuum cleaner.  I start it up and you collect the dust. You could make 50 dollars a day!”

Fuck it. “Sure.”

After a year of this arrangement, the two got closer. Kenny liked being around the innocent blonde. It was refreshing from the normal crowd he hung out with.

One day Butters was caught trying to convince some 10th grader to make a contract with him for the guys who liked older women. He offered the girl around 90 bucks a week. She reluctantly agreed, that’s when things all went to shit. The girl’s boyfriend found out about his girlfriend being a whore and convinced her that they should keep all the money. Later that day Butters asked the girl where was her cut; the boyfriend attacked the pimp, announcing that his girlfriend will no longer be working with him. 

Kenny could feel a mole rat dig through his stomach when he saw his boss with a black eye and a bloody nose. His cries and sniffles fueled Kenny’s rage like a bull. All Butters had to do was tell him who to go after and Kenny did it.  Eventually the money was collected, the boyfriend got a broken rib and the smile on Butter’s face returned. All was right with the world. Admiring the wonderful work Kenny did, Butters asked if he would like a promotion; from being male bottom bitch to his personal body guard. Butters tried to explain the increase of responsibility and money, yet he didn’t hear that. Kenny’s main focus was to never see Butters’s cry ever again. Maybe after one in a half-year of working together Kenny started getting feelings for the blonde. It may have been caused by a few light hand brushes, finishing each other sentences or just full on wet dreams where Kenny imagined he was BALLS DEEP in Butters.

When did he turn this gay?

“Do you know who I think would be a great addition to Butters’s Girls?”

“Allie Nelson?”

“No silly! Clyde. I think he could help you be my bodyguard. He’s strong and has a way with the bitches”

“NO!” Kenny unknowingly shouted.

“But-but why not?”

“Um.” Kenny tried to think of an excuse while he fixed the tone of his voice. “Think about it, if you let Clyde in, he will try to date all the girls for free which mean they wouldn’t be able to go around the school making money for you.”

“Oh hamburgers! You’re right!”

“Kenny keep up the good work and one day you could be my partner!”

“Hoping for that.” Butters probably meant something totally different than what Kenny was thinking about but hey he was happy. The thought of him getting it on with someone else made him feel like Genghis Khan.

 

STAN

 

Stan absent mindlessly read his history book. His main focus was stuck on his best friend of 10 years. Was Stan gay? No, there were no labels. He was attracted to his best friend Kyle. Like a child with a priceless baseball card signed by their favorite football star, he kept his feelings locked away. Stan knew his feelings would not be reciprocated. Kyle was the only one who understood him, but you can’t just go up to your friend and say ‘hey I like you, become gay with me!’ That would guarantee that certain friend to never want to talk to you ever again. Stan could have been over thinking the whole situation.

_Kyle Marsh had a nice ring to it._

Butters could sense the loneliness in Stan’s life and offered him a one time deal of 35 percent off his choice of girls. None of them compared to how beautiful Kyle was. Really all the reasons why Stan listed on why he couldn’t be with Kyle were pitiful. Stan was in a rut. He would break up and make up with his girlfriend Wendy every other month. He knew deep down he was just trying to convince himself he still loved her, but he didn't. Stan had no control of his life. His family adored Wendy Testaburger, blaming it on him when something went wrong and Randy calling at ridiculous hours of the night begging the girl to take Stan back. Their small town looked at Stan and Wendy as the ideal couple minus all the break ups, they were the perfect match. Stan being the star quarterback and Wendy being a track star.

 

 

 There was no room for Wendy anymore, maybe he had feelings for the girl when they were in 5th grade but now none could be found.

_If he blew his brains out, his mind could finally sleep._

 

No, suicide was never the answer. But would he really be taking his life, when his own life wasn't even his in the first place? All his choices were made for him every since he was a kid. He never got to make a decision for himself. This whole damn town was controlling.  Every kid in his classroom was being controlled like some kind of puppet. Okay this was becoming too depressing. Stan reread the same text he read for over an hour. He hated when dark thoughts popped in his head. The bell rang, saving Stan from the endless void of his mind.

“Thank god” He huffed. Most of the day seems to blend all together. Before he knows it he is in the lunchroom sitting with his usual friends along with a few extended kids like; Craig, Token, Clyde, Jimmy, and Heidi.

Cartman was the first one to talk, laughing at someone’s expense as usual.

“And then, then Jason slipped on some left over jizz in the bathroom and poops himself!” HAHAHA!  Cartman and Heidi laughed in unison.

“Fat ass that isn’t what happened!” Kyle challenged.

Cartman rolled his eyes and cocked a smile. “Oh then what did happen KHAL?” Stan could see Kyle quiver under the way Cartman called his name.

_Maybe Kyle just likes being called Khal?_

 

“Yeah Khal what happened?” Stan added in.

“Shut up Stan.” Cartman said before turning his attention back to the Jew.

“Some dumbass brought lotion in the boy’s bathroom and Jason slipped.”

“HA! Who in their right mind would bring lotion in the bathroom? That’s a load of shit!”

“Well actually fellas my hands get dry when I have to pee so I put lotion on to keep them nice and soft.” Butters pointed out.

Eric signed deeply before commanding Kenny to keep a tighter collar on his mutt.

“Hey fuck you fat boy.” Kenny snarled.

“He’s not fat you; so broke family has to put chicken nuggets on layaway trash!” Heidi yelled. Gosh she was almost as obnoxious as Cartman.

 

Cartman rolled his eyes and muttered. “Thank you baby. “The table went silent; the air was filled with tension between the Cartman duos vs Kenny.

“Guess who made the basketball team this year?”

“Token.” Kyle answered without any hesitation. Of course, Kyle knew everyone on the basketball team. He was the Bulls’s point guard after all.

“Well duh he’s on the basketball team, he’s black.” Heidi said as she finished her KFC drum stick.

“Kyle is on the basketball team too and he is just as good as Token.” Stan spoke.

“Thanks dude.”

“No problem man.”

“Ugh gay.” Cartman spoke “Craig watch out Stan and Kyle may try to jump your bones later.” Craig rolled his eyes not acknowledging the comment. Would Stan and Kyle be the new Craig and Tweek? Well Stan wasn’t a dick and Kyle wasn’t a twitchy disaster, but would people in town see it that way? But what would people think of him? Throwing away a perfectly good future just to run off with his best friend. Seriously that sounds like a better life than just living a lie and regretting life choices at the age of 40, like Butters’s dad. During the day Butters’s dad was a man who was married with a decent looking woman and had a kid, but by night he got his ass pounded like there was no tomorrow. Would that end up being Stan in the future? Only time could tell.

 

 Token coughed out of discomfort. “So are you guys coming to my pool party this Saturday?”

“I thought black people couldn’t swim.” Cartman said as he gobbled down KFC mash potatoes. 

“Hey fuck off you fat piece of shit!” Clyde barked.

“Wooho it looks like we found another pair of butt pals right, Butters?”

“Oh jeez, I don’t have any butt buddies”

“HA! KENNY GOT FRIEND ZONED AGAIN!” Heidi snickered.

“What is he talking about Kenny?” Butters asked oh so innocently.

“Well.” Cartman started off his sentence.

Kenny gave him a nasty glare. If looks could kill Eric fucking Cartman would be hanging from the Mount Everest by now.

“What Eric means is, Kenny wants to ram his poor, smelly section 8 cock in the place where you take a shit.” Heidi finished.

 

 

Stan watched the 2 years of unspoken secrets unfold before his eyes. Surprisingly Butters excused himself and Kenny from their group of mutual friends. They walked out of the lunchroom as Cartman and Heidi started taking their food.

 

CRAIG

HAHA COCK TEASED!

 

TWEEK

 

Tweek nervously sipped on his coffee. He never liked eating in the lunchroom, it always got too crowded and it landed him eating lunch either alone or at the girl’s table. He didn’t mind the girls his girlfriend called friends but they only seem to have one thing in mind.

                  _“So when you were with Craig, did you see how big he was?”_

_“Is Craig a good kisser?”_

_“Is Craig a freak in the sheets?”_

Honestly, Tweek wouldn’t be able to answer the questions even if he wanted to.  Craig and Tweek’s relationship was fake from the start. They never did anything physical other than holding hands a few times. Even with holding hands Craig opted out of that after Tweek’s hands got too sweaty for the stoic male. Tweek did feel something when he was with his pretend boyfriend though, he felt like he was able to relax and not fear the world as much. Everything seem to change in middle school; when Craig joined the schools’ baseball team. Tweek tried to support his boyfriend, trying his hardest not to stress out the athlete. The deeper Craig’s love for the sport got the lesser his need for Tweek increased. \

A light tap caused the blonde to panic.

“Hey Tweek.” Red smiled.

“Gah! Why did you do that? What if you were a KIDNAPPER?!?”

“You didn’t sleep last night did you? Red asked in her normal voice.

“I couldn’t, I had that dream again.” Tweek spoke before his signature twitch kicked in. Tweek combed his hair back with his fingers. “I can't take it anymore; I’m living in a constant hell every time I close my eyes.” Red cradled her _boyfriend’s_ hand, trying to calm him down. She just held the twitchy blonde’s hand, not knowing how to comfort him in the right way.

“Tomorrow, I’m going to do it. I can’t continue living like this.”

“Tweek you don’t have to you can always get hel-.”

With that last sentence being said; stray baseball cut their conversation short.

“GAH!” Tweek panic as the ball knocked over his beloved thermos.

“Sorry, baseball team needs this area for practice.” There stood a 6’1 baseball player as known by his name Craig.

 

They called Craig a dick as the unwillingly got up from their safe spot. 

 

RED

 

She felt bad having to Tweek struggle the way he did. The bags under his eyes got deeper and his mobile skills got worse; he was miserable. Her dick of a cousin wasn’t helping the situation. He would constantly pick on his ex for no reason.

 

Her round was finally over. She looked for the Stotch kid.

“Good job today Red.” Butters smiled as he counted all of Red’s hard earned money. It was good money, who was she to decline the offer; Wendy?

 

 

 

 

TWEEK

 

Instead of tomorrow, he decided to do it today. Just walk right out of school and do the world a favor and get one less freak off the street. He knows his friends are going to miss him but, he was doing it for them. He was going to a better place, so he wouldn’t have to be a burden on everyone. His hand was shaky as it interacted with the hard metal object.

.

.

.

..

.

There was aloud click. The interior was a light green; an over-weight nurse was at the front desk greeting him with a soft smile.

“How may I help you today sir?”

 

Tweek tried to clear this throat. “Gah! I wanted to check myself in.” After a few safety procedures and force read the terms of what to expect during his stay, Tweek was finally able to relax knowing it would be impossible to hurt anyone where he was at.

 

 

South Park Psyche Ward.

 

 

CARTMAN

 

“YOU GUY’S SHOULD HAVE SOON IT! You know Tweek’s girlfriend Red?! WELL SHE WORKS FOR BUTTERS HAHAH” Cartman laughed obnoxiously. Stan leaned against against the locker as Cartman continued to gossip about stupid shit. Only Kyle was listening at this point.

Cartman looked over his shoulder and saw Craig walking down the hall with his usual gang. Oh this was too perfect. Eric put his arm around the male.

“Oh Craig, you must’ve really messed poor Tweek up for him to need a bitch for hire.”

Craig swatted Cartman’s arm away with an annoyed look. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Oh you didn’t hear? Butters is making money off of Tweek, Red is one of his bitches.”

 

“Whatever that freak show does, is on him I don’t care.” Craig muttered. Token punched Craig’s arm softly. “Hey man don’t talk about Tweek that way, he’s still our friend.”

Craig whipped out his well known middle finger before continuing to walk away. 

 

CRAIG

 

No matter how many girls he was with, he felt nothing. Girl after girl they all looked the same to him at this point. Really, he didn’t need Tweek. He was in glee when the boy finally decided to end their make believe relationship. Craig could be who he wanted to be finally…

He didn’t miss Tweek what so ever.  No part of him was attracted to Tweek, he wasn’t some queer.

Yet here he was on a Tuesday afternoon sitting in his bed with an erection.

Thinking back to when the pair held hands wherever they went is what caused this whole tent. Tweek’s hands always remained soft no matter what they went through. His mind would drift to the endless outcomes of what the couple could have done together sexually but there was a recurring problem. Craig wasn’t a faggot. He palmed his erection through his pants and tried to think of anyone else other than his ex. He was going to deal with this problem now so he could move on with his life. A cold hand slid down his pants and pulled out the hard member.

There was a cute waitress he saw at Raisins. She had sun kiss blonde hair, light blue eyes and a nice rack.

He would lay her on the bed; gently kissing her neck down to her chest, allowing his hands to squeeze her firm ass.

 

“C-craig” The person under him whimper.  In a hurry Craig pushed himself off the bed, looking down at his ex with a bulge in his boxers. Great, fucking great! He imagined his ex again. It was the last time he was going to do this, he told himself as he thought about Tweek once more.

 

Fuck


	3. I'm Weak, IDFC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How high was I when I wrote this?  
> HA TRICK QUESTION I WASN'T HIGH AT ALL!
> 
>  
> 
> help me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me awhile to write this, I really hope you all like it :]

BUTTERS  
The pimp was speechless, he fiddled with his pale thumbs as he refused to make eye contact with the other blonde. Butters didn’t know how he felt, sure he liked Kenny but he never thought of them as boyfriend and girlfriend. Kenny leaned against the lockers; waiting for his boss to speak.  
“Gee Kenny, I mean you’re a great friend and all but-.” Butters continued to play with his thumbs, he cherry picked his words carefully. He could never understand why there was some unspoken tension between them.  
“I just- think we should stay friends.” Butters was happy there was no-one in the hallway; half of the student body was either in the cafeteria or still in; giving them their privacy. Butters dared to look up at the taller blonde; the hurt in Kenny’s eyes was indescribable.  
“Take the night off pal, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Butters patted the boy on his back before returning back to his other friends.  
KENNY  
Kenny tugged at his parka, he knew there was possibility of Butters not returning his feelings, but the actual rejection caused him to feel internal pain. This pain was unreal for him, he needed to go get his usual fix. Kenny walked into the boy’s bathroom and saw his favorite gardener.  
“Craigster how are ya buddy?” Kenny asked with a fake smile.  
“What do you want McCormick?” Craig muttered as he blew smoke out the small window in the boy’s bathroom.  
“Can I get some of that?” Kenny asked as he walked closer to Craig.  
Craig signed and passed the blunt over to his friend. “You still owe me for last care package I gave you.”  
“Butters friend zoned me.” Kenny inhaled. He took a strong hit before passing it back to Craig.  
“That sucks to be you.” Craig added.  
“I really liked him, I still do but I don’t want to force myself on him. I want him to come to me naturally.” Kenny explained as he motioned for Craig to pass the blunt.  
Craig took another hit before exhaling a puff of smoke. “Just give him space, he will come around eventually.”  
“Maybe you’re right. I should start going, class is staring soon.” Kenny signed before finishing off the last of the bud. Oh that beautiful tingly feeling is coming back once again; he was just the right amount of high to get through the day.  
“I thought about him again.” Craig muttered. “No matter what girl I’m with, I can’t get that spaz out of my head.”  
Kenny chuckled. “You’re the one who claimed you were straight as a pole, guess that pole is now a circle.” Craig stuck his middle finger up, before shoving Kenny out the way.  
“He’s so gay.” Kenny chuckled under his breath.  
CARTMAN  
Cartman continued to roll his eyes as his girlfriend continued to complain about the other girls in their grade.  
“Furthermore why haven’t we had sex yet? While you’re in your room stroking your 4-inch dick, I’m over here moister than an Asian whore at a bukkake!”  
“Please honey calm down.” Cartman signed. These were the moments he hated the most; where Heidi went full bitch mode on him for the simplest things. Was he a virgin? Of course he was. Did he lie to all his so called friends telling them he had been with different women behind Heidi’s back? Fuck yeah! He wasn’t attracted to his duplicate. It wasn’t her size that bothered him, it was just her disobedience that turned him off. Fucking vegan diets.  
“Yeah sorry babe just been busy.” Cartman uttered as he texted on his phone.  
“See this is what I mean! You don’t pay attention to me you NEVER DO!” Heidi yelled; slapping Cartman’s phone out of his hand. Cartman paused for a moment trying to register what just happened. The loud clank brought everyone in the hallway silent; all side conversations ended. All focus was on the couple now.  
“Heidi you’re acting like a real bit!”  
Heidi challenged him. “I’m acting like a what?” She got in Eric’s face giving him a nasty glare.  
“Sweetheart you’re acting LIKE A TOTAL BITCH!” Cartman finally said it. It felt like 10-tons of weight was lifted off his chest. He wasn’t allowed to call his girlfriend that forbidden word; and yet he just did. A loud clap echoed through the hallway. Cartman’s face was turned ¾’s away from his girlfriend. His face burned a pink hand print stained his cheek. Cartman’s natural instincts kicked in and he started crying. He sounded like a dead pig whose throat had just been slashed.  
“Ugh! When you’re done bitching come find me.” Heidi spoke walking away from her boyfriend. Damn vegan diets!  
KYLE  
Kyle walked to his class. His headphones prove to be loud enough, he was able to ignore the other people that cluttered the hallway. For a moment he forgot all his worries. That moment was interrupted when something tilted his body. It only took a second to understand why he felt lopsided. “What do you want fat ass?”  
“K-K-KYLE HEIDI HIT MEEEEE.” Cartman cried as he dug his face in his friend’s jacket; most likely leaving a snot stain on the front part.  
“Dude seriously?” Kyle asked in disbelief. He knew things between Cartman and Heidi weren’t the best but they were never aggressively physical toward one another. The truth was on the right side of Cartman’s face.  
“She-she, she threw my phone down and tried to force herself on me!” Cartman continued to sniff. “I to-told her I didn’t want to and-and she tried grabbing my dick!” Kyle was having a hard time trying to believe Cartman’s story about Heidi. His brain was telling him that the other teen was just talking out of his ass, but it was pretty hard to understand why Cartman would hit himself just to blame Heidi.  
“Dude, just end it with her already. You two are clearly not happy with each other.” Kyle offered; trying to be the voice of reason.  
“But Kyle if we break up then she will kill herself! She told me!”  
“Then try talking to the PC principal.” Another solution Kyle offered.  
“But-she’ll will find out it was me and beat me up KHAL.”  
“Then talk to Mr. Mackey and go to couple’s counselling.” Noted with a bit of annoyance in his tone.  
“That’s just gay.” Cartman bluntly said. At this point Kyle knew this fat ass wasn’t going to listen to him, he just wanted someone to feel sorry for him  
“THEN JUST FUCKING DUMP HER THEN!” Kyle yelled, tired of giving out multiple solutions for one problem. At this point it was common sense.  
“Kyle I can’t! She told me if we ever break up she’s going to kill herself! Is suicide a joke to you? You’re an insensitive prick KHAL!”  
“Whatever, Cartman.” Kyle just mumbled, pushing the other’s hand off of him. Those feelings he thought he had for the other seem to fade away just as fast as when came.  
“Fuck you too JEW!” Cartman hissed. Yup that was the Cartman he knew, the; asshole, the racist, the cry baby, the victim. Kyle couldn’t deal with the other males bitching so he just continued on his way.  
His music was interrupted by a new notification coming from his phone.  
Stan: “Want to hangout l8ter?”  
Kyle: “kys”  
Stan: “What??”  
Kyle: “*Kay * Sorry dude autocorrect.”  
BUTTERS  
Butters put his books up in his backpack, ready to head home so he could start his chores.  
“BUTTERS STOTCH please report the principal’s office!”  
Oh hamburgers! Butters thought, being in trouble wasn’t new for him ever since he started up his own business but hearing his name over the loud intercom speakers always scared him. Butters made his way to PC principal’s office, thinking of any lie that could help get out of this situation as fast as possible. The best outcome would just be a week of detention.  
Butters’s hand met the doorknob, he held his breath before he pulled the door open. Both of his parents, Mr. Mackey and the principal glared at him with angry eyes. Oh geez, this is going to be bad.  
“Uh- have a seat Butters Mmkay.” Mr. Mackey spoke. His voice was a bit hushed, he might be trying to hold back his anger. Butters sat right between his parents. “Butters, we got an anonymous tip that you were.” Mr. Mackey paused coughing into his hand. “We have reason to believe you have been organizing a prostitution ring throughout the school.”  
“Prostitution?” Butters asked. No that wasn’t true, none of his girls were sleeping with their clients.  
The PC principal spoke in his loud/frat boyish tone. “HOW DARE YOU SUBJECT WOMEN! IN TODAY’S SOCIETY A WOMAN IS ABLE TO –insert random PC fact here.”  
Linda, Butters mom started crying on her husband’s shoulder. “Why didn't we see it Stephen? We created a monster!”  
“It’s going to be okay Linda, we will just have to ground him until he learns that women and men are equal!” Stephen added as he cried alongside with his wife. His parents continued to cry as they embraced one another.  
“Um- Mr. and Mrs. Stotch this is a bit more serious than just a grounding. We were force to alert the police. Prostitution is against the state law in Colorado.” The rest of Mr. Mackey’s words fell on death ears. Butters knew he wasn’t running some sort of whore house! He knew better gosh dang it. PC principal started up on another SJW rant about why using women as objects were wrong, but Butters didn’t really care. He respected women! His mom was a woman and his ex-girlfriend was a woman. His punishment at the end was a 3-week suspension, 1000 hours of community service, disband his so called ‘prostitution ring’ and hand over all the money that was made in the process to the police.  
“THAT IS BULLSHIT!” Butters excused his language. Wasn’t it bad enough that he wouldn’t be making any more money from his business anymore but now they were going to take all of his hard earned money from him? That wasn’t fair! How would he be able to take care of his girls? How would he be able to pay Kenny for his service? Butters was just now getting use to living an expensive life style! Gosh dang it, he was angry now! Linda grabbed Butters by his ear and dragged him out of the principal’s office and out of the school. The school day was almost over, yet a lot of kids seem to reside in the hallway; as if they had nothing else to do. Laugher embarked when they watched Butters leave the school with his mom’s hand death grip on his ear. These 3-weeks were going to be harsh. The family piled into Stephen’s hybrid, majority of the ride was just his parents telling him what he did was wrong. They were just a broken record in the background; stuck on repeat. Still, who was the anonymous tip and why did they lie on him? He made all his girls sign a contract and the number one rule was ‘Do not have any sort of sexual relationships with the clients!’  
“Butters! Are you listening!?”  
“Yes sir.” Butters answered, mind still wondering.  
“Was that sarcasm mister? That’s it you’re grounded for 2 months! How does that sound?!”  
“Fine sir.” Butters made up his mind, if he could have been able to keep his operation up for a little longer, he was going to move out of his parent’s house. He was sick of all the unnecessary groundings. It was becoming harder and harder to put up with his parent’s crap. He loved his parents, he just didn’t like them. The car parked in front of their same old burgundy house. Butters was the first one of the car, his plans were to go straight to his room and text his employees in the group chat. He was going to get to the bottom of this! His mother called his name before he could escape to his room.  
“Oh no you don’t young man! You lost your room privileges! You will be sleeping in the basement until you can get your act together, you chauvinist pig!” 

TWEEK  
Tweek walked through the white corridor. His eyes were still adjusting to his white surroundings. It was going to be okay he told himself. His steps bounced off the wall. His steps seem to awaken something. Tweek panicked. He increased his movement not caring if he was making any noise. The further he ran, the longer the halls seem to get. No matter how far Tweek got, the steps behind him got louder and louder. The corridor came to an end, a painted brick wall prevented Tweek from progressing. Black ooze took over the white corridor. Tweek didn’t want to look back. He knew what was behind him. There was a tug on his shirt. Tweek ignored it, and kept looking at the brick wall.  
“GO AWAY!” He whimpered.  
He laid in a fetal position, clamping his hands over his eyes. Whoever was tugging at Tweek’s shirt seem to stop. He was able to calm himself down a bit before opening his eyes.  
There stood a 5’11 creature, the body was covered in a tightly wrapped black bag, it moved in an unusual fashion. The body moved jaggedly.  
Tweek sniffled. It moved closer to him; both its knees were pointing toward one another. White walls were now dark black. Tweek could no longer move away, the floor under him opened up. Tweek’s reaction time was fast enough to grab on to the ledge. A strong twitch caused one of the boy’s hands to slip off the edge. Tweek’s curiosity got the better of him and he looked down into the dark abyss, it didn't take long for the hole to start glowing with bright orange flames; the fire exposed the content inside the dark pit. Bodies bags hung from the top of the abyss, the scared boy tried to pull himself up. No matter how much he struggled he couldn’t find the strength to lift his own body up. One by one, each of the bodies that hung from the ceiling fell.  
There was a strong grab on Tweek’s arm, causing him to fall. Tweek struggled to get away from the baggy creature, that fire that lit the pit from below got closer and closer until.  
+Nothing+  
Tweek was woken up by one of the orderlies. They had him strapped to a bed, his arms were extended like he was some sort of angle.  
“Alright Mr. Tweak this should calm you down a bit.” A man spoke in a white jacket with a mask over his mouth. He was holding a syringe with a long tip. 

CRAIG  
Craig leaned against a cherry red corvette. He took a hard drag of his cigarette. There was practice today, but Craig couldn’t be bothered going. Today wasn’t his day. Receiving an F on his science exam, getting detention for smoking in the boy’s bathroom and beating up some kid who called him a faggot. This should be normal for the baseball player, but lately there had been an annoying pulse going off in his head; Mother fucking Tweek. Craig convinced himself that he just needed to make amends with his ‘ex-boyfriend’ and he will go back to feeling normal.  
So what was the problem? Sir spaz a lot didn’t come to school today. How do you normally find a spaz? you find their handler and in this case Tweek’s handler was Red.  
Speak of the devil.  
His cousin walked toward him with disgust in her eyes.  
“What do you want Craig?” She asked, pulling out her keys.  
“Where is Tweek?” Craig spoke, getting straight to the point. He stomped on his cigarette and put his hands in his pockets.  
“Now you care? Where were you when he cried on the phone because you cheated on him?”  
“I made him cry?”  
“No, but if he did cry it would have been your fault!”  
Craig signed. “Can you please just tell me where he is?” Scrunching his eyes with his fingers, god Red could be so annoying.  
Red looked like she wanted to say something smart assish. “How about you go fuck yourself, Cousin.” She pushed Craig out of the way, swinging her car door open.  
What the fuck did she want from him? “All I want to do is apologize to Tweek, please tell me where he is.” Craig spoke; trying his hardest to sound sincere. Red was a bit apprehensive.  
“Fine, get in.” Red spoke in an annoyed huff.  
Get in? Why all he just wanted to know was where Tweek is, was she offering him a ride to the spaz’s house? That would be pointless he could have easily walk there.  
“Are you coming or not?” Red snapped, starting her engine.  
Craig shrugged and opened the passenger door. Who was he to deny a free ride?  
They drove out of the parking lot. Red took a few rights a hard left and down a few main roads. They were nowhere near Tweek’s house. Where the fuck was she going? Craig browsed through his phone, reading a few missed text messages.  
“We are nowhere near Tweek’s house.” Craig stated harshly.  
“We aren't going to Tweek’s house.” Red snapped back.  
“If we aren’t going to Tweek’s house then where are we going?” There was a hint of annoyance in Craig’s tone.  
Red slammed on the brakes hard, causing Craig to hit his head on the windshield.  
“Dude! What the fuck!” Craig yelled.  
“Do you want to see Tweek or not?” Red yelled back.  
“YES, BUT WE ARE NO WHERE NEAR HIS HOUSE!”  
“We aren’t going to his house!”  
“Then where the fuck are we going!?”  
“Stop bitching and wait!” Red shouted. “And put on your seat belt on.” She commanded.  
“Whatever.” Craig grumbled; throwing up his middle finger toward her. After a 10-minute drive; they finally seem to come to a stop to an actual place. An all beefed out security guard stood at the opening of the gate.  
“Red, why are we at the loony bin?” Craig asked curiously.  
She hushed him at they pulled up to the gate. The security guard tipped his hat before allowing the relatives access to the ward. Red parked her car on a rock-based parking lot. Craig looked at the dingy building. He was disgusted, there was no way in hell was he stepping into that nut house. How the fuck did this have anything to do with Tweek?  
He gave Red a hard look, he glared at his cousin; eyes expressing how there was no way he would be getting out of the car.  
“Come on.” Red said ignoring her cousin’s glare.  
“No.” Craig said.  
“Fine then stay there and freeze.” Red locked the car and made her way toward the entrance. Was this some kind of trap? Has Red finally lost her mind?  
A few failed attempts to warm himself up, he opened the door and started following Red; who was almost close to the main entrance. He was able to catch up to the girl with ease, her legs were short so it she could only take short steps.  
“Can you please explain to me why we are at some nuthouse now?” His words fell on death ears as he opened the door for his cousin. A nurse greeted the two.  
Craig let Red do the talking, he was too busy looking around. It smelt like some cheap air fresher you would get to cover up when someone shitted in the bathroom. The nurse typed some stuff down on her computer.  
“Alright please remove any sharp objects you may have in your pockets; that includes keys, weapons, belts, jewelry and cellphones.”  
Keys made sense, but how the hell is a cellphone considered a sharp object that was retarded. They were given a white bag to put their belongings in. Without any resistance Red obeyed; giving up her purse and emptying her pockets. Craig uttered a simple whatever and added his stuff except his cellphone because it was his. With a smile they were gestured to follow a fat guy named ‘Mathew ‘to the visiting area.  
The halls were white and it was annoying Craig, how the hell was Red so calm about this whole process, has she done this before? Mathew flashed his ID across the lock to unlock the door. God this place was starting to freak Craig out. The place as a whole had a creepy aura to it. Double doors swung open there were a few patients going about their own business. Some were watching TV while others were playing board games.  
“Tweek!”  
There sat a blond headed man with his head down on a table. His reaction was a bit delayed when he sat up straight and smiled. That smile he gave for Red fell when he spotted his ex-boyfriend. Craig could feel his heart tremble in his chest; this man he saw talking to his cousin was not who he remembered, the bags around his eyes seem to grow darker, his skin was paler and he looked like an anorexic cheerleader named Devweda. Craig could only stand beside Red and look at the weaker male.  
“How are you feeling Tweek?” Red asked in a gentle voice.  
“What the fuck happen to you?” Craig asked bluntly. Apparently Craig was being too loud because one of the staff members had to hush him; reminding him to use his inside voice.  
“Gah, I I’ve been fine just. AHH TIRED!” Tweek’s twitching came back and it was more noticeable than it was in school.  
“Have you not been sleeping?” 

TWEEK  
Tweek yanked on his hair gently. “It’s h-h-hard to when ya know.”  
Every bone in his body ached from the daily task at the ward. Nonstop; shots, medicines, sleeping and therapy sessions. It was good he was finally getting help for his problem but the only down side was he felt the majority of the stuff they gave him was filler.  
“Are they treating you alright?” Red questioned again placing her hand on Tweek’s.  
“AHH! I I it doesn’t matter. I’m always -.”  
“YOU CAN’T SEE MEEE MOM I’M COMING ITS ME CHESTER THE COON SLAYER!” A random patient ran by naked.  
CRAIG  
Craig watched the naked man run around with his dick flopping up and down. In an instant another patient tackled the nudist to the floor stabbing him with a concealed weapon. Nurses tried their best to break up the pair but everyone seem to go bat shit crazy attacking one another. Some old man ran to catch the fight; bumping into slightly Tweek. In one blur of a motion the blonde let out a berserk scream and got up from his chair, punching the old man repeatedly. His fist started turning red after each punch he threw. Craig tried pulling Tweek off the old man, trying to stop him from his heinous assault. A simple shove was able to send Craig flat on ass, with no one holding him back, Tweek was able to complete his attack.  
What the actual fuck was going on?  
The security guard from the gate along with a few more came running into the activity area; escorting visitors out of the room safely. Both him and Red were lead outside of the psychiatric ward. Their stuff was returned to them of course.  
Craig was the first to say it.  
“WHAT THE FUCK?”  
STAN  
Stan chewed on his pencil. He wasn’t stuck on a homework problem; he was stuck on his best friend. God that sounded so gay. His heart leaped when Kyle looked at him, asking for help.  
“Dude were you able to solve question 30?” Kyle shifted in his seat slightly.  
Stan could tell his friend was getting frustrated. “Try using sound divided by velocity.” Stan answered.  
Kyle thanked him before he wrote the formula down on his homework; showing the steps he took to get the answer.  
“Are you okay?” Stan asked.  
Kyle was a bit hesitant to answer the question. This just made Stan worry even more. Kyle started speaking, as if he came to a realization that the other male was his best friend.  
“Man, it’s just have you ever liked someone but after you remembered who they really were; you stopped liking them?”  
Was Kyle referring to him? Oh god, what made the Jewish boy stop liking him? Was it because they didn’t hang out enough? Was he being too clingy? Did they hang out too much?  
“I mean I would think you started to like ‘that person’ because of their personality.”  
Kyle signed before slamming his head on the dining table. “I know that! It’s just they are such an asshole and I don’t know why I liked them in the first place.”  
Stan leaned over patting his friend on the back. “Try talking to ‘that person’ there is a possibility they could like you too.  
“Even if they are a fat, racist Hitler lover?” Kyle muttered under his breath.  
“I’m not fat.” Stan defended himself, he was muscle not fat.  
Kyle shot Stan a puzzled look. “I know that dude, I was talking about Cartman.”  
Stan fell out of his chair. He was able to recover quickly, slamming his hands on the table. “CARTMAN?!”  
Kyle blushed looking down at the floor. “Dude shut up!”  
“ERIC FUCKING CARTMEN? Of all PEOPLE WHY CARTMAN?!”  
Kyle squirmed in his seat. “I don’t know man, I just-t. Do you think I should go and talk to him?”  
“No.” Stan objected with remarkable reaction time. “Cartman is an asshole, you can do so much better.” Stan slowly made his way toward Kyle as he listed reasons why Cartman didn’t deserve someone like Kyle.  
“You’re smart, helpful, good at basketball, handsome.” Stan trailed off. The last thing caught Kyle off guard as he sprung up and looked at Stan.  
“What are you fucking gay?”  
“…”  
Kyle blushed a bit and looked down at his feet, “Sorry, I should really get going.” Kyle collected his things; the air between them had gotten too awkward for his liking. “Wait Kyle!” Stan stopped him lightly grabbing his wrist. Stan puffed his chest out and started speaking.  
“Kyle, I really like you.” The day walker was in awe, he didn’t know how to respond to that sort of confession. Their 15 years of friendship would be flushed down the drain if things go south. Those puppy eyes Stan possessed suckered him into believing that he should at least give it a try, give them a chance. He was going to date his best friend what could possibility go wr-  
The doo bell startled both the teens, a woman’s voice followed after. Stan looked down at Kyle before he went to answer the door. There stood his old flame.  
“Wendy?” Stan said in a ‘my balls just dropped voice’  
“Hey Stan, can I come in?”  
Stan’s decision didn’t really matter; Wendy invited herself.  
“Hey Kyle.” Wendy smiled.  
Kyle smiled back, he tensed up a bit. This was uncomfortable. He waved good bye to Stan and left. Wendy looked sad to see him go, she didn’t stop him though so she must not have been too sad. 

KENNY  
Saying Kenny spammed Butters’s phone was an understatement. He hadn’t heard from the other blonde all day and it was scaring him. The most logical solution was to break into his house, yeah that made sense. He did it when he was younger; so what’s wrong with doing it now? He told himself. Kenny walked beside the house to where he knew Butters’s room was placed.  
“Psttt Kenny!”  
Kenny turned his head to see who was calling his name.  
“Psttt Kenny down here!”  
His attention was drawn to his boss waving at him in a basement window. He looked like an adorable money begging for change.  
“Kenny they found out ‘Butters Girl’s’ and they think I was selling people sex!” Butters continued to tell Kenny everything that happened in the principal’s office and how they were accusing him of tricking out girls for sex. Butters finished his story off with a ‘I got grounded for X amount of time.’ Line like always. Honestly Kenny knew something like this was going to happen but the sound of defeat didn’t go well with the boy’s overall attitude.  
“You can’t just give up now; aren’t you supposed to be a detective?”  
Butters whipped his eyes and nodded. “I’ve been a reliable detective for six years.” He added.  
“Then let’s go an adventure to see who this anonymous source really is.” Anything to see that dorky smile on Butters face. God he was whip more than Cartman.  
“You’re right!” Butters said in his usual confident tone. “I’m going to find this so called person and asked why they lied!......After I get ungrounded.”  
“Why not go now?” Kenny asked while he sat on the grass.  
“B-but Kenny I’m grounded.”  
“You were falsely grounded right? So doesn’t that make you are ungrounded”  
Butters looked at; looking a bit perplexed.  
“I’ll even help bust you out.” Kenny offered.  
“Kenny how are you going to-.”  
Kenny wrapped his hand in his jacket, punching the glass out of the window. He knocked off any excess glass out of the shattered basement window so Butters wouldn’t hurt himself.  
“OH DEAR GOD KENNY WHAT THE CAT POOP!” Butters panicked as the glass hit the basement ground.  
“You can buy them a new one after we find out who framed you.” Kenny smiled, holding out his hand for the other male to grab it. Butters looked down at his feet before wrapping his fingers around Kenny’s hand. Butters was a very light for his age. Kenny could carry him with ease. With a strong yank, Butters came flying out of the window onto the ground.  
“Ouch- Thanks Kenny.” His boss stood to his feet; dusting any dirt off his clothes. “I can’t pay you though Kenny, so thanks for your troubles but I got to take care of this on my own.” Butters the detective spoke. From pimp to detective in a matter of minutes.  
“You don’t have to pay me; I want to find out the truth too.” Kenny lied. If this was anyone else, Kenny wouldn’t bat an eye if they needed his help, however this wasn’t just anyone else! This was Butters. So Kenny had to try to help as much as he could.  
“Well alright then, Detective Butters and his side kick Kenny are on the case!”  
Kenny chuckled, god this was retarded.


	4. DF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :|

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this was rushed, I have an exam and I decided to write this instead of studying HAHAHA I AM A FAILURE AT LIFE!

KYLE

Kyle scribbled down some more calculated numbers. The homework was the last thing on his mind, an annoying image of Wendy and Stan making up and getting back together kept molesting his brain. Kyle turned his attention to his phone. Should he call or would that make him look too needy? As his hand hovered over his phone a new notification popped up.

 

**FATASS:**

Attachment: 1 Image.

 

Kyle was reluctant to open the message, going against his better judgement he opened the message.

.

.

.

It was just a pile of ash.

 

**Kyle:**

What?

 

**FATASS:**

It’s a Jewish Family Portrait.

Kyle rolled his eyes and set his phone down. He was not going to humor Cartman and his stupid jokes. With a heavy sigh, the boy placed his device on the table facing down. A ding rang from the phone indicating a new notification. Another heavy sigh stumbled out of his mouth. No, he refused to get mad at Cartman’s pathetic attempt at a joke. Kyle went back to doing his homework like the good honor roll student he was. Kyle continued jotting down answers so he could finish his homework before he went to bed. Then there was bang at the door.

It took a few minutes for Kyle to react, not knowing what to do in this situation, it was 9:30pm, who could that be? Was Ike expecting guest?  The bang got louder and more consistent; was it Stan? Kyle’s heart leaped at the idea that Stan had broken away from Wendy and was coming to his house to confess? A small voice in the back of his head said otherwise.

“KAHL OPEN THE DOOR!” An obnoxious yell behind the door.

‘Damn it.’ Kyle muttered.

He walked to the door, slowly on purpose.

“What do you want fat ass?” Kyle answered rudely.

It was pouring outside, rain hitting the pavement loudly. His friend was drenched in water and his eyes looked hazy almost like he had been crying previously.

“I broke up with Heidi.” Cartman whispered.

“Oh, good job man.” Kyle spoke. “Well see ya.”  Kyle was in the process of closing his front door.

“Wait!” Cartman yelled stopping the Jewish boy from closing him out.

“Didn’t you hear me? I BROKE UP WITH HEIDI!” Cartman repeated loudly.

“Yeah man good job.” Kyle repeated as well.

“I BROKE UP WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO KAHL! TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY!” Cartman snapped.

“I told you to break up with her because what you two had wasn’t healthy.” Kyle justified. “You made the call, so just go home and chill. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” \

Cartman looked like he was offended by this statement. Kyle motioned to shut the door, just for his friend to stop him once again.

“Kyle this was your fault!”

“Dude what do you want me to do?”

The frown on the fat teen’s face seem to be replaced with a small smile.

“I thought you would never ask! First I would like some KFC extra crispy chicken, Popeye’s biscuit a foot rub and -.”

Kyle stopped him from continuing his stupid demands. “I’m not doing any of that fat ass.”

“But this- YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE!” Cartman accused. “You wanted me to break up with Heidi so you could go ask her out, YOU MANIPULATIVE JEW! You knew I was suicidal without her!”

Kyle gave a firm face palm, shaking his head in disbelief. No one could be this stupid he wanted to tell himself, but then again this was Cartman he was talking about.

“Cartman just go home.”

“I don’t think so Kyle.” Cartman said going into his pocket pulling a 9mm glock, he pressed the gun to the temple of his head.

“SAY I WON’T DO IT KYLE!”

“God damn it Cartman. Put the gun down.”

“Honey who is at the door?” Kyle’s mom; Sheila asked from the top of the stair.

“It’s nothing mom, Cartman is just being retarded.”

“MRS. BROFLOVSKI YOUR SON IS TELLING ME I SHOULD KILL MYSELF!”

“WHAT WHAT WHAT?!” She screeched, the living room light was able to provide a nice outline of the weapon Cartman possessed. Shelia skittered back to her room slamming the door hard enough that it echoed throughout the house. Cartman pulled the safety off and pressed his finger on the trigger.

“As I was saying. I want KFC KAHL.”

His better judgement just told him to play along with Cartman’s retarded demand.

“Fine, Fat ass.” Kyle signed in defeat.

Sirens invaded the quiet neighborhood.  There were two police cars and one ambulance and their target was the Broflovski’s house. They stopped abruptly in front of the house; officers drawing their weapons from the holster.

“DROP THE WEAPON!” A cop yelled pointing a gun at Cartman’s head. Well that was counterproductive, Cartman dropped the gun. He looked over at Kyle wit what the fuck eyes. Kyle shrugged.

“HE’S RESISTING ARREST TASE HIM!”  Another cop yelled pulling out his taser and firing it Cartman. Cartman made an ungodly sound and fell into the ground, dropping his gun in the grass. From the door way, Kyle just watch the whole situation go down in front of his house. He closed the door slowly, well this day was going to be weird.

A hand was placed on the Jewish boy’s shoulder. “Don’t worry honey, your friend will get the help he needs.”

“Mom did you call the police?”

“Yes I did.”

CRAIG

Craig frowned at his phone. Those pictures were still taking up space, why hadn’t he delete them yet? A perfect example; a picture of Tweek and Craig at some stupid middle school dance. The blonde’s hair was pulled back, a green suit and dark brown dress shoes.  Craig caught himself feeling emotional so he scrolled to another picture. It was another picture of Tweek, he had fallen asleep at some sleep over at Clyde’s house when they were kids. Why did he take a picture of the boy while he was sleep? These feelings were completely normal, he just missed his friend nothing more nothing less. He would do the same thing for Clyde or Token or Jimmy. Craig signed, he was probably the reason the poor blonde was stuck in that hell hole. Craig told himself that tomorrow after practice tomorrow, he would drive back up to that nut den and break Tweek out; like the good friend he wasn’t. That would make them even right?

BUTTERS

“Okay Kenny, the best way to enter the school is to go on the roof and climb in through the chimney. The only question is how are we going to get up there?”

“The window is open.” Kenny called out, pushing the glass open.

“Well Gee KENNY YOU ARE THE BEST!”  Kenny smiled, boosting the smaller blonde through the open panel. The detective and his faithful side kick intentions were to break into the school and look through some files that located were in the Principal’s office and find any evidence that involved Butters running some sort of brothel on school grounds. It was only 11pm at night, so no one should be around, except for the drunken homeless man that lived in the basement of the school who only came up to eat the left over scraps in the cafeteria.

“Okay Kenny the coast Is clear!” Butters whispered loudly.

“Right behind you Butterbean.”

“Hey that’s detective Butters side kick.” Butters quietly laughed as he crept against the brick walls out of the class room.

Reaching the Principal’s office was easier done than said. The school was practically enemy at 7pm. Kenny learned that when he use to mess around with a so called black haired teen whose name that has an A in and wore a hat with a fuzzy poof ball on top.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were a natural at this Kenny.” Butters smiled as he jerked around the door handle.

“What can I say, I can do all sorts of things.” Kenny put extra emphasis on things when he watched Butters stroke the door handle.

The cheap door finally open granting access to both fair hair teens.  There it was, the key to all his answers. That computer alone could either make or break any student’s future and Butters was about to access all that knowledge. Butters sat down at the desk chair and cracked his fingers, his heart pounded in his ear. This was going to be some A grade hacking.

 

Username: PCPrincipal00332

Password: ____________

 

Balls of sweat fell from Butters head. This was too much pressure was he really going to do this? He felt Kenny’s eyes on him; watching his every move. Slowly, Butters pressed down on each individual keys.

‘WomensRights’ Butters typed in, and that was it. The all-knowing machine unlocked; sending him to the computers main desktop. Kenny was amazed.

“How were you able to solve that so easily?”

“Well, I use to be a hacker when I would use to play Super Hero with you guys. That and his password was written on the monitor.” Butters pointed out.

The detective hit the window key, proceeded to go to documents, south park High, students and records. All the clicking sound that was heard made it seem like Butters was a legit hacker who was only here to take down the school and expose PC Principal.

“Here we are Stotch, Butters. Kenny go keep watch.” He ordered the boy in the orange coat. “Whistle if you seem someone coming.”

“Ay, Ay captain.” Kenny chuckled before standing at the door.   
Butters clicked on his name was saw a whole bunch of stuff open pertaining him and his newly found crime. Many were written complaints that looked like they were on a single sheet of paper before they were scanned into the computer. Butters went through each .png note that was in his file, until he found one that was easy enough to read. It was almost like a pyramid shape; Butters was on top, Kenny was under him, a few girls were lined up under Kenny and there was one girl who was at the bottom.

Butters took a second glance at the picture before speaking.

“I know these 7 girls that’s; Lexus, Lisa, Annie, Red, Ester, Millie and Meagan but who is this eighth one?” Butters spoke out loud. She had brown hair and wore a green shirt with a flower on it. The name read Nelly but, Butters never remembered any Nelly working for him.

“Hey Ken, do you remember a Nelly?”

“Nelly Frank? Didn’t she die last month because of texting or something?” Kenny spoke.

“Last month? But it says she gave a statement to the PC Principal 2 days ago saying I forced her to participate in a bukkake with some college kids.”

“That’s kinky.”

“Be serious Ken- if Nelly Frank died than who is this?”

Both teens looked at one another for a second, a loud noise caused them to jump in their skin. Strong grunts came from the secretary’s office; which was right before you entered the Principal’s office. Low grunts started to get louder and louder as the stranger got closer to the duo.

“Oh hamburgers! Kenny what do we do?”

Kenny started shoving the detective to a nearby window, strongly urging for him to climb out. Butters took the hint a jumped out; with Kenny following after words.

“Nice looking out Kenny!”

“OH STRONG WOMAN!” A loud moan came from the office.

“Choke my daddy!” A woman moaned back, it sounded like Vice-Principal Strong Woman.  Kenny threw up muttering “But they are co-workers! That’s disgusting!”

“Well Ken! It looks like we have our next clue! We need to track down this imposter Nelly Frank girl.”

“If I remember correctly the girl’s mother was a stripper, who worked in the red district part of South Park.”

“How do you know that?”

“My dad use to go to watch her dance with our welfare money.”

“…”

“TO THE RED DISTRICT!” Kenny cheered grabbing the blond detective leading him to a weird direction.

CARTMAN

Cartman blinked rapidly as he was surrounded by white walls and doctors wearing white scrubs.

“Hold the patient down for sedation.” One doctor said to the other.

“Hey what’s going on. LET ME GO YOU COCK SUCKERS!” Cartman jeered, wiggling around on a gurney. His arms and legs were strapped in and was forced to lie on his back.

“Mr. Cartman we have reports to believe you are suicidal.”

“No shit Sherlock now let me go!”

A doctor smacked Cartman hard across the face.

“Are you SUICIDAL.”

“FUCK YOU!” Cartman yelled, eyes puffy from the slap.

The doctor produced another hard smack across his face, making sure this one was more powerful than the last.

“ERIC CARTMAN, ARE YOU SUICIDAL?”

“YES!” Cartman shouted in agony.

“Are you willing to take experimental drug to cure your depression. If so your training will start as soon as possible.”

“No!”

“Did you hear that Doctor Malcolm?” The doctor reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a vial of un known liquid. “Mr. Cartman is willing to participate in our experimental study. Allison please bring me a fresh syringe?”

“Yes doctor.”

Cartman squealed as the doctors held him, the syringe was jabbed into his neck, he felt the cold liquid enter into his blood stream. Cartman yelled.

“I WILL KILL ALL YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!”

“Keep him on a regular dose of 40 ccs, cut that with the ‘regular’ anti-depressant here.”

A nurse agreed before she wheeled Cartman out of the operation room. The poor boy looked derange with foam coming out of his mouse and eyes blood shot red.

 

KENNY

Just like he remembered it; women on every street corner, selling their used bodies for money. Kenny had become a regular in this god forsaken part of South Park; not because he actually paid for sex with one of these skanks no, but because some of these girls were regular clients to his parent’s meth shop.

“Wow, I’ve never been to this part of South Park before.” Butters announced hiding behind Kenny.

Kenny chuckled, he shouldn’t be exposing this adorable creature to this harsh part of reality; but he knew Butters wouldn’t take no for an answer. Strangers were giving the boys a strange look; it was either sexually or disapproval. Kenny didn’t mind people looking down on him never bothered him.

“Damn, I can’t believe all these people can be jealous at once.” Kenny baited.

“What do you mean Kenny?” Butters asked.

“They are jealous that I was so lucky to be chosen as your side kick why they just sit in the background and watch us become the greatest detectives the world has ever known.”

Butters smiled at that, any low self-esteem Butters had soon vanished as he got his confidence back to go forth with his investigation.

“Alright, Ken what do we need to do next?”

“If I remember correctly, her address is 334 Kneegear Rd.”

“Gee Kenny! After all this I will promote you to detective!”

Kenny smiled, pressing his hand on his chest. “Thank you.”

The two walked across a few streets. This whole route was based on how much he remembered the Frank family. Both of Nelly’s parents were drug addicts who paid Kenny’s family low amounts of money constantly so Ken’s dad would ask for sexual favors from the mom. His family was weird, except for his sister Karen; she’s an angle.

CARTMAN

Cartman was tossed into a room, wearing a stain straight jacket.

“LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU FUCKERS! I’M NOT SUICIDAL!” Cartman howled, running his body into the running repeatedly.  He just felt angry, like someone pissed in 2-million-dollar soup angry!

BUTTERS

God’s blind eye area was very different than what Butters was use to. There was a woman head butting a guy in the crouch over and over again in some dark alley. Butters insisted that the detective should try to stop the assault but Kenny just smiled and lead him away from the harassment. Butters felt a bit envious on how well Kenny was able to be so comfortable around these strange people. Maybe that was one of the perks of having him as a side kid. Kenny wasn’t afraid of anything! He was tough, brave and loyal! The blonde’s hand felt warm against the detective, almost as if it belonged there?

“BUTTERS!”

A familiar voice yelled. Butters turned back to see his father standing out in the open.

“I told you were ground young man! What are you doing here?!” Stephen Stotch yelled, grabbing his son away from Kenny.

“Is this what you are doing now, are you some sort of whore? No not my son!” His father yelled.

Kenny kept his grip on Butters arm. He could already see the fright in the young boy’s eyes.

“YOUNG MAN DO YOU WANT TO BE GROUNDED TOO.”

Kenny eyed Stephen Stotch, he wasn’t going to let go of Butters anytime soon.

“Dad what’s that white stuff on your face.”

Streets lights made it apparent that Butters’s dad was glistening with shiny clear stuff.

“I think that’s cum Butters?” Kenny answered, softly squeezing Butters hand.

Stephen looked at his son and his friend for a second, push he pushed Butters away and dashed down the street. More than likely, Stephen would return after he cleaned himself up.

“Gee- wish I could be brave like you Kenny.”  Butters said a bit too loudly.

“He- I learn from you, THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!” Kenny exclaimed. Butters smiled and followed Kenny. Their hands were still laced together. Butters didn’t really mind, it felt nice.

STAN

Stan tossed and turned in his bed. Tonight’s play kept repeating itself in his head. He saw the look of hurt in his best friend’s eyes; why did Wendy have to show up? Stan took it as a sign that him and Kyle were possibility not meant to be? This could have just been passing feelings. It couldn’t have been passing feelings gosh dang it! Stan’s stomach bubbled whenever he thought of Kyle in his arms it made his heart flutter.

Stan picked up his phone and sent a quick message to Kyle.

 

**Stan**

Hey are you up?

 

CARTMAN

“Tell me why are you mad?” A man with thick glasses, bald head and a white medical jacket spoke.

A few hours passed before Cartman was finally able to calm down.

“I’m mad BECAUSE I’M HERE!”

“Why are you here?”

“BECAUSE I FUCKING LISTENED TO A DIRTY LYING JEW WHO WANTED TO FUCK MY GIRLFRIEND”

“Are you sure about that.”

“YES!” Cartman growled.

“You’ve been talking about this Jew ever sense you go here. Is there something special about him?”

“No! I love him!”

“Now we are making some progress Mr. Cartman. How does he make you feel?”

“LIKE I WANT TO KILL MYSELF! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM ABOUT HIM!”

“Now what is stopping you from being with this boy?”

“I’M NOT GAY! STAN!”

“So this boy named Stan is stopping you from happiness. Good.”

Cartman paused. These were none of Cartman’s actual thoughts and yet here he was shouting out these false answers as if he was going to win a prize.

“Stan seems to be the route of all your anger. Why not just get rid of him?”

“No Stan is my friend. I NEVER LIKED THAT EMO FAGGOT!”

God damn it Eric thought.

“Eric to be happy with your little Jew friend, you MUST KILL STAN.”

“No!”

“Nurse up the dosage.”

A giant male nurse opened the door to the therapist’s private space and shoved a syringe in Cartman’s fat neck again. The anger fueled through Cartman.

“I’M GOING TO KILL THAT BASTARD!” Cartman shouted.

TWEEK

Tweek stared at his hands. They were just as pale as he was, but every so often he would see them covered in someone else blood and it scared him.  He didn’t know why he was so violent. What if he was a secret spy that was under cover and just wanted to kill everyone in the United States? What if he was reprogrammed by North Korea to assassinate the president?!

“Tweek, you have a visitor.” A nurse said opening his door and placing some colorful pills on a pull out tray along with a small cup of water.

A visitor? Tweek thought. Did Red forget to tell him something? Not to be the one to keep the Red haired girl waiting, took his medicine; there were more pills than yesterday, he thought to himself. Finishing up; Tweek made his was to the visitor’s room only to not see his best friend at all. Had the nurse made a mistake?

“Tweek.” A voice called out to him.

Tweek frowned. A stoic male sat at a plan white table, his blue jacket was a nice change from the constant white that Tweek was curse to see every day. That was probably the only thing that Craig’s presence could offer for the twitchy blonde.

“Whe-e-ere-where is Rebecca?” Tweek asked sitting down at the table, looking passed Craig.

CRAIG

Craig almost felt insulted, when Tweek was asking for his cousin. The teen brushed off the jealously he felt.

“I’m here to break you out man.”

“BREAK ME OUT ARE YOU INSANE!?” Tweek shouted out of nowhere.

Craig was fast to cover up his ex’s mouth. “Dude quiet! You look terrible, I’m sorry if I am the reason you’re here we can-.”

Tweek ripped Craig’s hand off his mouth.

“You think I did this because of you?! FUCK YOU DUDE I DID THIS BECAUSE OF ME! I FUCK HATE YOU!”  Tears started streaming from Tweek’s eyes; like had years’ worth of pent-up anger finally coming out.  Craig could only watch the male break down right in front of him. The blonde stood up and hid his face with his forearm. “I need to go, leave me alone!”  

Craig reached over and grabbed the boy’s shoulder gently.  “Tweek you cannot possibly tell me you like it here.”

Tweek turned around, eyes cloudy with tears and teeth jittery. “Please just let me go Craig.”

“Tweek, you’re my friend. Just come back and we can talk about it alright? I promise things will go back to normal. I’m sorry for everything.”

“Things can never go back to normal Craig; why don’t you understand that?” Tweek sniffled. Craig pulled the small boy into a hug; not caring if the boy’s salty tears was ruining his favorite jacket.

“I Killed Someone Craig.”

Tweek’s statement was loud enough for Craig to hear only.

“Holy shit dude.”

 

 


End file.
